Oceanview Room

As my ER pencil bed stretched it's wings and let down it's wheels, I was transported up to my room in the general medicine unit.  My parents left me in the hands of two childhood friends K and S, and said they would be back the next afternoon.  As nervous as I was to be alone, I felt secure in the hospital, especially with my television and hospital meal.  If you don't know me, this was not a bad thing... I enjoy plane food and compartmentalized plates.  Just as my eyes were shutting, in waltzes Keith, knapsack on back, sefer in hand.  My little brother, well not so little anymore, had come to the ER the second he heard but wasn't allowed inside because it was too crowded.  I remember being super happy to see him since he always knows how to make me laugh.  I remember him sitting by my bed for a while, asking his usual questions filled with curiosity, trying to understand the new situation.  After my eyes were totally shut, his ride picked him up and I slept through a full night without going to the bathroom for the first time in months.
The speediness of my friends to get to that hospital to see me was amazing.  A friend that was studying for her nursing boards hopped in her car and was there the moment she heard, my new roommate and closest friend from high school came the night I was moved up to the fancy unit, one of my oldest friends dropped everything and was by my side the next afternoon, S was the first face I saw each morning (well, that is after the phlebotomist woke me up at 6 AM for the daily blood drawing) as I ate my breakfast.  Friends and family were calling around the clock.  Although my grandmother refused to believe it was true, she had to relay the news to my family in Israel who I was supposed to be spending the week with.  Needless to say I had to cancel the wine tasting even I was supposed to attend with M the night I landed in Israel.
I was dizzy.  Lots of people, calls, texts.  It was nice, but I knew in the back of my mind it would all hit me soon.  Everyone was very encouraging but I was scared.  When my friends weren't around I would read, google, search.  Celebrities with TYPE 1 DIABETES, no, not TYPE 2 guys.. ONE - Nick Jonas, Mary Tyler Moore, Bret Michaels.  Insulin, DKA, Hypoglycemia, Glucose.  It was like I was trying to study for a test only the test was for the rest of my life.  I remember I started to cry alone in my hospital room.  Not because I had diabetes, not because I was in the hospital, but because I was trying to remember if hypoglycemic means a low blood sugar or a high blood sugar and because I couldn't understand the exact function of insulin.  I hadn't even started the googling of "causes of Type 1 Diabetes".. no, that came much later when I got home and "how did this happen to me" consumed my every waking moment.  More on that later.
I remember the endocrinologist came in each day, teaching me more and more and me just trying to understand.  Obviously stressed out, trying to memorize everything, taking detailed notes so I could review it with my mom later on.  I thought I would go home that night but my "electrolytes were still of and ketones still present so", I was kept another night.  Honestly, I didn't mind.  I was petrified to leave.  I was starting to prick my finger myself and I injected once or twice, but I felt completely out of control on my own and loved being under the watch of the doctors and nurses.  They were encouraging-"if there is a chronic illness, this is the one you want to have, it's totally manageable, you seem in control-you're gonna be just fine!"  And then from my friends, "if anyone's gonna get this, it should be you - you eat healthy already and you're totally organized"... So that means I should have it????? Eek sorry - bitterness slipped out a bit there.
ANYWAYS, discharge day finally came.  I was being let out.  I felt paralyzed.  I had a follow up appointment the next day but all I could think was, can I make it from the hospital in the car back to Long Island?  I was going home to my house to be with my parents and brother until I felt ready to move back into the city and be on my own.  I had no obligations, no school, no work.  I was supposed to be in Israel anyways.  What if I get hungry in the next hour while we're stuck on the LIE in traffic?  What can I eat? What if my blood sugar is high, what if it's low.  I was consumed.  We stopped at my apartment so I could grab a couple of things.  My dad was surprisingly calm as he waited downstairs.  Walking into my room brought me back to the day where I ran up there to grab things to go to the hospital.  My room was in shambles, clothes and furniture everywhere.  I did not want to be there.  I took a few shirts and pants and a dress and heels (because I knew my oldest friend was getting engaged, other than that I did not plan on leaving my house).  I wanted to get out of there.  I grabbed two pieces of cheese - 2 grams of carbs, I knew that was very little and it would take me home.