I often describe myself as an anxious and nervous individual, so it's a wonder I was able to stay as committed as I have been this past year and was able to make it to this milestone. I think most will agree, relationships are not easy. I was able to learn that first hand throughout the year. It takes hard work, commitment, and passion for the cause, all three I think I have strived towards and have been successful at. On this day I just want to reflect on where I was exactly one year ago.
It was around this time of the afternoon I was heading over to the doctor's office for a check up where I learned that my blood glucose was too high for the meter to read and that there was glucose present in my urine sample - two things that I had no knowledge of the implications and the journey I was about to begin. I will not retell the story as it is in one of my first few blog posts - but the contrast in the confusing, devastating and overwhelming feelings I felt that day, to the amount that I now know about myself as a result of this experience is almost thrilling. I feel like I conquered. I feel accomplished. I remember last year feeling so consumed by my new lifestyle and thinking that my life was lost and over. My days are still consumed by my diabetes. From the moment I wake up until I go to sleep there are very few things that I do that do not involve at least a thought about what my blood sugar might be at that moment. However, I feel I progressed this year and I am proud of myself. I was asked how I feel about this one year milestone and oddly, I can really say I feel good. The downside that I always note is that the all consuming nature of this disease causes you to forget what life was like without it. I am lucky that I lived 23 years until it decided to grace me with it's presence and take over my life. Children are diagnosed with this disease as young as months old, and parents' lives end up being equally effected, maybe even more so than the child's. However, those years now seem unreal to me, considering the day to day operations I go through. But as I said above, I feel success. I did not think I would make it to this day one year ago, but I took this year day by day, and before I knew it, it was here.
My only wish would be that my diabetes would feel as celebratory as I do on this day. But no, it is selfish. On the morning of our one year anniversary, do you know what it did? It gives me a blood sugar of 250 upon waking up! What kind of gift is that? It does what it wants and never consults with me first. But I guess this is the way it will always be and I just need to accept that. It will always be a one way relationship with me doing all the work and making compromises, and it just chillin, throwing me the punches, running the show. It is a challenge, but one that I am up for.
Luckily, I have some very incredible and important people in my life that have more than compensated for what this year has been. You know who you are and I could not have made it through this year without you. Thank you for being there, for your sensitivity, and for giving me the strength and confidence I needed to do this.
So a happy one year anniversary to me and my D's. I look forward to many more years to come!
