I guess I should start by apologizing for how much time has passed since my last post but I think I will look at that as a positive: there is life after being diagnosed with diabetes and I have been able to live a little of it these past few months.
I just returned home a few days ago from an amazing trip to Spain with my amazing roommate, friend, and mama, Jackie. I want to skip for a moment to the depressing conclusion of our wonderful trip, the ride back to Manhattan from JFK. We passed by Citi Field, the Mets new home. Jackie commented, "oh Citi Field, I still haven't been there." To me, Citi Field is a landmark in my diabetes diagnosis as it was my first outing with my meter, shots, and food since I had been in my house after being discharged from the hospital. I told Jackie that I remembered my dad asking me last August if I wanted to go to the Met game with him. My face must have turned immediately tense (which probably wasn't a big change from how it looked daily at that time), because he followed up by reassuring me that we could do it however I wanted, go whenever, leave whenever, or even not go at all. My thoughts were racing, would I eat lunch before or after? What if I'm low? What if I'm high? What if I'm tired? After thinking it over though, I made the decision to make that my first excursion with my meter, shots, and lunch! I remember checking my blood sugar, giving a shot, and eating a tuna sandwich in my seat while watching the game and being so proud of myself but so exhausted at the same time. All I could think about what was how much thought and time goes into each and every thing I do with the Big D and while I was brave that day, I couldn't fathom that this would be the rest of my life. It seemed like any sort of fun activity or social experience was being taken from me and I would never feel safe without one of my parents by my side again, at 23 years old. Fast-forward to July 20th 2011, at 24 years old, coming up on only one year of living with the Big D, I am in a cab coming back from Spain! Granted, I was with my other Mama (for all you who are not in on that joke, just know it's Jackie), my real mother (Rebecca), put it perfectly - "now you know you can really do anything."
The minute the trip was booked I immediately started having nightmares. My pump is going to break, my insulin is going to spoil, the insulin vial is going to crack in my bag and spill everywhere. Thoughts were racing that I couldn't do it. But I kept reminding myself, I am not the first nor the last person that has diabetes, and that has traveled with it. While there are certain close minded diabetics that will tell you how impossible things are, I made sure to do my research and speak to the right people beforehand. I was reassured that people in Spain have diabetes too and should anything happen, it can get taken care of.
Our itinerary was Madrid to Ibiza. After our successful trip had ended, my mother confessed to having been very nervous when I told her I was going to Ibiza, "All I was thinking was, Ibiza?? She can't just go to New Jersey??" But she told me she didn't want to say anything and discourage me because she knew this was an important and much needed trip. I told her she made the right move because had she been honest with me about her concerns I probably wouldn't have gone. I got a lot of support from my family and doctors that this was something that I not only could do, but needed to do after my extremely stressful year of school and health issues.
Initially, the airports concerned me the most. Our first leg of the trip in JFK ended up going extremely smoothly though. Jackie worked her magic at check in and told the man behind the desk that she needed to sit next to her diabetic babe in case of an emergency and he assigned us a cozy seat together, although he was not able to upgrade us to first class despite our request. At security, probably my biggest fear, they didn't even open my bag, and I was SO prepared. Everything packaged so nicely, needles, insulin, pods, and several copies of letters from my doctor that all these supplies were necessary and that my insulin pump was not able to be removed. And none of this was even looked at - I was almost disappointed. Aside from several lows throughout the flight, it went very smoothly and we touched down in Madrid and 11 AM Spain time. Once we settled into our hotel I immediately felt calmer. With the insulin safely in the minibar refrigerator and all my bags set down, I felt like I was able to breath again and Jackie and I did as the Spanish do - we took a nice long SIESTA. We woke up at 5 PM to begin, yes, BEGIN, our first day in Madrid. The sun was shining and Lola and Elena were ready to take on Spain. The main stress at that point was that I felt like I needed to hold on to my pod for dear life as we were seriously warned about the pick-pocketing. From our own personalized walking tour, to a pub crawl later that night, to a weekend in Madrid, and many many stops at our favorite hookah bar (couldn't leave that part of us at home), I survived Madrid. On to IBIZA!!
We needed to experience Ibiza on our own to fully understand what everyone meant about it being "so crazy." So the first anecdote, re: diabetes, was at the Madrid airport going to Ibiza. I was a big shot now, no one had stopped me in JFK, no problems in Madrid, but after my bags went through security the guards saw something suspicious and wanted to look through my bags. So there it started - pulling out ziplock bags of pods, needles, etc. with puzzled looks on their faces. I was about to show them my letter but because of the language barrier I realized it wasn't going to do any good. So I just kept saying "diabetes, insulin", and pointed to my pump and my medical ID bracelet. Jackie then asked the woman behind us, "how do you say diabetes in Spanish?" "Diabetes," the woman replied. So I knew the guard understood. And everything was going fine, he just needed a look. Aside from all the glucose tablets and other in case of emergency treats, I had yogurts and a container of cream cheese in my bag, two staples from Madrid. Before we left Madrid Jackie and I decided we would try to get it through and if they make us throw it out then at least we tried. When the guard saw the food he said in Spanish, "I will let you take the yogurts because you have diabetes but I have to take away the cream cheese." Without even asking for an explanation of why, I took my bag and just nodded and smiled, relieved to be through this whole ordeal. Two steps away from the guard I jut broke down crying. For those of you who know me, this should not come as a surprise. Nothing bad happened, if anything it was a positive experience. Even with the language barrier I was able to explain the need for everything I had and successfully get through security. I just felt very overwhelmed, heart racing, and shaky from the whole experience as it was my first time having to deal with it. Jackie and I took a few steps to the side to compose myself. She reassured me that I did great and everything was fine, things that I knew but just needed to cry it out. Suddenly, the guard crept up behind us and offered us back the cream cheese. We immediately grabbed it and started cracking up. The mood was light again, we got through it, and even had our cream cheese back!
The rest of the trip was incredible. After the Ibiza "process" (for Mama), we enjoyed great beaches, beach parties, parties parties, fiestas and not enough siestas. The other main challenge of the trip was how low I went throughout the day. The combination of walking and "partying" that we did almost made it feel like I didn't have diabetes for I was constantly lowing my basal dose of insulin. For all those who don't know what the "basal" is, please direct your questions to Jackie because she is extremely well versed in diabetes management these days. The amount of glucose tablets I went through on this one week trip is more than I think I've gone through this entire year! But it was worth it. The trip was incredible and our depressed state the last day just goes to show how much fun we really had. This trip was amazing for anyone, but it was specifically important so that I can prove to myself that I won't be stopped from anything. It's scary that I can't remember what life was like without my frienD and I'm only a week shy of a year with it, but at least I can say that this whole year was a year of firsts, and I am going to continue to experience new things and learn more that I can do anything I want.
For what it's worth, I'm proud of you.
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